We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
