I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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