never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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