I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sober January is a disaster.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
