When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
