just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
