He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
