but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
