Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
