You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
