I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
