At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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