The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
