oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
