I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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