his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
