I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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