We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
