she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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