There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
