We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
