wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
