And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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