he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
