at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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