I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
