just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
