I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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