chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
