3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
