Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh god it's open bar.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
