I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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