I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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