she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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