why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
