wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
