its not stalking. its research.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
