I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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