enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
