remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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