we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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