Can Purell be used as lube?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
