also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
