She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
