since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
