i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
