I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
