I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
