i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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