Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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