its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
