I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
FUCK WHALES
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