There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
