i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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