i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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